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How to handle difficult conversations with clients

Disagreements during a project are probably inevitable at some point. Learn tips on dealing with opposition and how to prepare for a challenging conversation.

28 April 2022

Many projects will take years to complete. It is probably inevitable that relationships between the architect, client, and other stakeholders may become strained at times. In a sense, this is evidence that all involved are passionate about it and that they care about the outcomes.

But there are, of course, limits. Certain behaviours, unreasonable expectations, and ways of speaking to others are simply unacceptable. How does a practice walk the fine line between acknowledging that an argument must be had to resolve a problem, and calling out unprofessional communication?

“Disagreement and, to an extent, confrontation is inevitable on ambitious projects,” states Tania Ihlenfeld, Founder of EDE Enablers. “At times, there will be opposition and negotiation - both within your team and externally with stakeholders.”

Ihlenfeld is a consultant who provides guidance to practices in areas such as project framework setup, brief and vision development, setting up teams, and partnering among many others. She will be speaking at the forthcoming RIBA conference Future Leaders: Leading Teams on Wednesday 4 May 2022.

Listen and learn

Perhaps counter-intuitively, she suggests there is value in “embracing opposition”.

“That does not mean you should tolerate anyone actively obstructing the project from progressing,” she clarifies. “But there is a great deal of value in listening and learning from opposition.”

Dealing with the issue quickly can lead to a much clearer understanding of what the project should be seeking to achieve, and what the practice should be striving to deliver. The objective should be to gain clarity.

“Do not assume that a stakeholder is simply being difficult,” Ihlenfeld urges. “There could be genuine faultlines in your project that you have overlooked. Look for advantages, improvements, or solutions that might be lying behind that stakeholder’s opposition.”

Accepting that disagreement can be productive is the first step in preparing for a challenging conversation.

Remove the drama

To bring this level of clarity to what may be an awkward conversation, you need to strip away the emotion, Ihlenfeld emphasises.

“The aim is to move the project forward: remind yourself that your goal is to help them move forwards. You need to drain the tension from the conversation. Try to empathise: have some understanding of where they are coming from.”

Preparation is key activity: anticipating the conversation and the direction it will take in advance, and knowing exactly what it is going to say.

Build connections

The simple expedient of small talk can work wonders. Talking about non-work matters reminds everyone that they are human beings with lives and feelings.

“Start the meeting with some friendly chit-chat,” she urges. “Otherwise you risk losing control: making a point halfway through the meeting in which your voice seems 100 times louder than it should be, letting emotions take over. It becomes easier to interject more calmly if you’ve established a friendly context.”

Do not underestimate how far simple conversations about family or holidays can turn down any heat in an awkward negotiation you might be about to have.

“You probably have much more in common with the source of the opposition than you realise. Make the most of the walk to the meeting room, or any situation that is less formal, to talk about topics other than the project.”

Be honest: manage expectations

Dialling down the emotion does not mean you should not raise issues that you are unhappy about; quite the opposite.

“If the team has worked flat out for the past fortnight to deliver, then say so, and be clear that that level of productivity cannot be sustained. It is possible to slow down in order to gain momentum.”

Managing expectations extends to making it clear what is and is not within the practice’s control.

“Be clear about how you as an architect can support the client if there are issues over, say, materials or labour shortages. But ensure that you are offering to help based on what you have control over.”

Jenny Lovell, Partner at Allies+Morrison, will also be speaking at the Future Leaders: Leading Teams events. She advocates picking up the phone and being candid with clients who might not appreciate the work involved in their requests.

“A client might not appreciate how much inhouse time a supposedly small change might require,” Lovell points out. “One aspect of a drawing being changed might mean four other reports and six other drawings being adjusted.”

“It all comes down to honest communication and being clear about what is being asked for,” she continues. “If the client is moving the goalposts, do not be afraid to tell them.”

Share ownership of the project

One suggestion that Ihlenfeld makes that can head off disagreement down the line is one of overall attitude to the design. Taking an over-protective attitude to the design from the start will not lead to a good dynamic across the team.

“Often a practice will, understandably, wrap their arms around their design and hold it tight,” she points out. “If all the stakeholders feel, from the start of the project, as if they are playing an equal contributing part to the project’s vision, then the conversations are much less likely to be confrontational.”

“When other stakeholders believe in it, they will advocate and fight for it independently. That is exactly what your project needs.”

Tanis Ihlenfeld and Jenny Lovell will be sharing more insights and tips at RIBA Future Leaders 2022: Leading Teams on May 4. Tickets are now available.

Thanks to Tania Ihlenfeld, Founder, EDE Enablers; and Jenny Lovell, Director, Allies & Morrison.

Text by Matt Milton. This is a Professional Feature edited by the RIBA Practice team. Send us your feedback and ideas.

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